Australia Is Buying My Book with an Aussie Character!


Right now, the ebook The Hypno-Talkers of Zlar FOUR-IN-ONE is number 9,736 in the Australia Kindle Store. Yay!

I’ve written four stories in the “Hypno-Talker of Zlar” series, in which aliens from Zlar kidnap Earth women onto small spaceships, take the women to the Zlarian mothership, and turn the women into surrogate mothers for Zlarian alien babies. How the Zlarians get Earth women to board the small spaceships: by hand-held devices, hypno-talkers, that each look like a computer tablet but with two push-buttons and a speaker grille. The Zlarians hypnotize the women to board the little spaceships; when the women awaken from their trance; it is *ominous music* too late.

I am a writer of softcore-porn mind-control stories, so I was mainly interested in what happened when the alien hypno-talkers fell into the wrong hands. (Meaning, ordinary American men looking for sex.) But I was also exploring the idea of “Why would aliens kidnap Earth women? And what would it take to get the aliens to stop?” So from time to time in the four stories, I returned to what was going on with the Zlarians and the Earth-women kidnappees.

In Book 3 (Revenge at College), one of the little spaceships lands in Wheat City, Kansas—but instead of this spaceship kidnapping more Earth women, nineteen previously-kidnapped women walk down the ramp. These women come from every part of Earth—France, Africa, and Argentina, to name just three. Fortunately for the kidnappees, one of their group is a native English speaker who can talk to the American characters.

But she is not American herself. No, she is Sheila Blackburn of Brisbane, Queensland, in Australia. She soon becomes a major headache for the U.S. Army, after the Army re-kidnaps the just-released women.


I wanted a returned-kidnappee character to be a native English speaker but not be American. My first impulse was to make her English. But then I thought about how the Zlarians would wind up with their English-speaking kidnappee. The Zlarians care nothing about Earth’s national boundaries, politics, or history. I’m sorry, UK readers, but the British Isles are tiny, compared to the rest of the world; so to the Zlarians, hitting the UK would be near the bottom of their list. Much higher on their list would be hitting Earth’s major continents. Which means that my not-American, English-speaking woman would have to be either Canadian or Australian.

Now, having pissed off the United Kingdom, let me piss off Canada. Even though the USA and Canada are geographic neighbors and I’m American, I have never been to Canada.

I have, however, visited Australia.

I went on a month’s vacation/holiday to Australia when I was twenty-four. (When was I twenty-four? Sometime between last year and 1770, which was when Captain James Cook claimed Australia for the British Crown.)

I visited Perth and Sydney, with a side trip to Canberra (Australia’s national capital). I traveled from Perth to Sydney by airplane; I regret not having made that trip by train. I found the Australians to be friendly, and I enjoyed their company (despite their puzzling fondness for Vegemite spread). I bought a book on Australia history—which for an American, is fascinating reading at times. (For instance, in 1865 a bunch of disgruntled Confederates emigrated from North America to Australia.)

In Sydney, I lived on meat pies. (For Americans, a meat pie is like a pot pie but with a thicker bottom crust, so that it can stand on its own when it’s out of its pie pan.)

Anyway, all this personal history of mine is how I came up with the character of Sheila Blackburn from Brisbane, Australia, who was kidnapped and in vitro fertilized by aliens, but who now finds herself in Kansas, USA.

(And yes, Australia, I’m very aware that sheila is Australian slang for a desirable woman.)


Here is the sales blurb and sales links.

Aliens from Zlar need Earth women to make Zlarian babies. How do the aliens lure the women onto the spaceship? With hypnotic alien technology.

What happens when this hypnotic technology falls into the wrong hands?

What will the U.S. government do when its conspiracy to hush up the alien raids is threatened?

Who will become unlikely heroes? Who winds up getting the girl(s)?

This book holds four stories—

The Hypno-Talker of Zlar—Kevin, an old man, can’t stop his women neighbors from walking onto a spaceship. Then the U.S. Army shows up, and things get worse instead of better.

Hypno-Talker’s First Download—Kevin has put complete plans for building a hypno-talker on the internet, but Netizens think the thing’s a scam. One desperate man downloads those plans, builds a hypno-talker, and tries it out. This is his story.

Revenge at College—A sorority girl publicly humiliates a nerd. But Jerry finds a way to get even.

Nerd Saves Women—Nerd Egbert decides to rescue nineteen women and a sick alien who are being held prisoner by the U.S. Army, merely for walking off of a spaceship. Egbert’s goal seems impossible—for one thing, his only weapon is a wooden sword.

This is the compilation of all four “Hypno-Talkers of Zlar” stories. This book is 88,600 words.

Fiction > Erotica
Fiction > Humorous
Fiction > Science Fiction > Space Opera
Fiction > Short Stories (single author)
Fiction > War & Military
Fiction > Thrillers > Technological
Humor > Form > Parodies

Fair-Dinkum Aussie Sales Links for The Hypno-Talkers of Zlar FOUR-IN-ONE
Kindle AU
Smashwords Store—your choice of formats


First Announcement: HTOZ4 (Hypno-Talkers Of Zlar, Book 4)

I haven’t come up with a title yet. No cover picture is in the works. The only things I can say for certain:

• This story will wind up the “Hypno-Talkers Of Zlar” series. So at the same time that the HTOZ4 ebook comes out, we’ll also start selling a paperback and an ebook for the entire “Hypno-Talkers Of Zlar” compendium/omnibus/collection.

• Egbert the nerd will get laid in fine style in HTOZ4.

• A character in HTOZ4 (the main character?) will be a spy, likely for the Central Intelligence Agency.

• Lourdes Taylor wants to solve the Zlarians’ sick-female medical problem, so that the aliens will leave Earth voluntarily. The U.S. Army wants to drive the Zlarians away from Earth by force. The Zlarians have no hope of anyone finding a cure for their sick-female problem, and the Zlarians aren’t about to leave Earth without such a cure; and the Zlarians aren’t worried about the U.S. Army even a teeny bit. Meanwhile, Australia wants Sheila back.

More details as they become available.

EDIT: Added 2014.08.14—
Buy Nerd Saves Women (Hypno-Talkers Of Zlar-4) now! You know you want to.

Chapters 1 and 2—FREE!

Or buy the whole shebang, The Hypno-Talkers Of Zlar Four-In-One. Just one dollar more! (For ebook.)


God Entertain The Queen!

Up till now, my books have been available only through Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

Recently it was brought to my attention that Barnes & Noble, though they have a UK website, for some reason don’t sell at that site all the books that are on their USA site. None of my books, to be more specific, can be bought through Barnes & Noble’s UK website. As for countries other than USA and UK, Barnes & Noble doesn’t sell to you. Period.

Amazon, meanwhile, only sells ebooks in formats that can be read on a Kindle, and then only in the countries where Amazon has websites. There is no “Amazon Australia” or “Amazon New Zealand,” for instance.

Here’s why this concerns me. Big Content (the movie industry, the music industry, and Manhattan publishers) love to blather on about filthy stinkin’ pirates.

Well, first of all, if you price your content above its fair market price (as determined by your customers, not your accountants), you’re gonna be pirated; deal with it. And you’ve got nobody to blame but yourself.

But do you know what other content gets pirated? Content where eager (potential) buyers clutching currency are told, “That content is not available in your country.” What, Hollywood, do you really expect people in Country X to wait till six months from now for you to finally offer your overpriced, DRM-locked disk, when the content is for sale in the USA right now?

Anyway, now I’m pleased to announce that four of my five books are available in EPUB format on Kobo, and soon they’ll be available in EPUB format at the iTunes iBookstore. Which means that right now, today, people in Great Britain, Australia, and New Zealand can buy my books in EPUB format; they won’t need to steal them.

Now my books are for sale not just in the English-speaking countries. Thanks to Kobo, if someone in Albania wants to buy one of my stories, now he can.

So to recap, now my novels and stories—

Names Have Power: Tim’s Magic Voice Makes A Harem
The Bimborg: Part Nanobot, All Woman
Captive Of The Barbarian King
The Hypno-Talker Of Zlar

—are available through Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and Kobo; and will be available soon through the iTunes iBookstore.

Three More Wishes: Be Kind To Your Genie will be made available to Kobo and to the iTunes iBookstore soon.

One final comment, and I hope I’m wrong about this. The ebook part of Barnes & Noble is having all kinds of problems that haven’t made it into the newspapers yet. I suspect that six months from now, that part of Barnes & Noble will be closed down, or else will be sold off (most likely to Microsoft). So I’m recommending that EPUB-format book-buyers in the USA buy their ebooks from Kobo in preference to B&N.

Update on 2013.07.21—

Well, none of my books are at the iTunes Bookstore, and it looks like none of them will be. Apparently it’s true what I was warned: that Apple is hardcore even about softcore.

But Three More Wishes: Be Kind To Your Genie is now on Kobo in EPUB format. Here’s the link.

Update on 2013.12.23—

It turns out, I was wrong about Apple not selling my stuff. Go here to find out more.